A Catastrophsoc Misstep -250

After Friday's embarrassingly apathetic fashion offering, I was perhaps a little too enthusiastic in my attempt to right my wrongs. I slept in this morning, and originally paired a paired some blue jeans with a yellow t-shirt reading 'Sex Makes Me Come and Go,' the latter being a gift from my girlfriend that I have not yet had the courage to wear. I chickened out at the last moment, replacing the shirt with a lime green one, adorned with a repeating pattern of fleur de lis, with blue hanes boxers, blue jeans socks, and the black Reeboks with purple laces I mentioned in last evening's weekly forecast.

Needless to say, this caused General Motors Stock's to lose 25% of their values. I'm not sure which aspect of my outfit the NYSE found so objectionable. Perhaps it was the fact that the seldom worn black Reeboks reminded commodity traders that oil is still overpriced, which led crude prices to drop to nearly $48 a barrel. I think it may have something to do with the fact that my continued inability to find my laundy card has led to my black russel sweatshirt being a bit dirty. There was also a dirt stain on the left knee of the Levis I wore today. I'd buy a new laundry card but they run about $25 dollars and that's more than I can afford right now. I'm afraid I've falled into a trap of my own making. Having decimated the economy through the past six months of poor style choices, I have now doomed myself to a life of wearing dirty clothes. Still, I only have myself to blame.

It is worth noting that Amazon.com's stock went up about 1 point, which I can't quite explain, but it isn't good enough. I'm sorry America. I will try and do better tomorrow. I will not rest until I have figured out what the heart of this issue is, and discovered what I need to do to protect the future of our country's most important living national monuments-- our American coroprations.

An embarassing Loss, -150

American financial spectators, I have to apologize to you. I have made it my state goal to provide not only accurate insights into the inner workings of the American Financial system, but also to do everything in my power to help our economy rebound from the devastating losses of recent months. Unfortunately, external factors can have significant impact upon the markets.

In this case, I got into an unfortunate disagreement with my girlfriend last evening at 10 PM. At the time of this writing, there has been no reconciliation. As a result of this, I moped around my apartment all morning. As of 10AM, the time I generally present my fashion offering to the NYSE, I was drinking beers on my balcony, wearing a blue pair of hanes boxer briefs, a stained white undershirt.

The result of this was a 148.38 drop in the Dow Jones.

While I apologize that my personal problems have had a negative impact upon our nation’s economy, I am only human. As of press time, the fight remains unresolved. Insiders remain divided on the issue. Some analysts feel that matters will be resolved by the end of the weekend, while others think the problem may continue until I can grow the fuck up already.

I will keep you posted on this story as it develops, and I hope I can continue helping our country on the path to success.

A Mild Setback -130

If you follow the economy, you are likely aware that things did not go according to plan today. Today I wore a pair of white Converse All-Stars, with a red lace in the right shoe and a blue lace on the left. The rest of the outfit consisted of a pair of ankle socks, some faded Express Jeans, a red Express buttondown shirt, and a pale blue t-shirt underneath. The t-shirt was given to me for free for my participation in a charity event called ‘pass the can’ last fall. I see now that this was a mistake.

The Dow responded with a 130 point drop. I, of course, am mortified.

Without going into tedious detail, I think I can see where the problem was, and hope to have it fixed by tomorrow.