An embarassing Loss, -150

American financial spectators, I have to apologize to you. I have made it my state goal to provide not only accurate insights into the inner workings of the American Financial system, but also to do everything in my power to help our economy rebound from the devastating losses of recent months. Unfortunately, external factors can have significant impact upon the markets.

In this case, I got into an unfortunate disagreement with my girlfriend last evening at 10 PM. At the time of this writing, there has been no reconciliation. As a result of this, I moped around my apartment all morning. As of 10AM, the time I generally present my fashion offering to the NYSE, I was drinking beers on my balcony, wearing a blue pair of hanes boxer briefs, a stained white undershirt.

The result of this was a 148.38 drop in the Dow Jones.

While I apologize that my personal problems have had a negative impact upon our nation’s economy, I am only human. As of press time, the fight remains unresolved. Insiders remain divided on the issue. Some analysts feel that matters will be resolved by the end of the weekend, while others think the problem may continue until I can grow the fuck up already.

I will keep you posted on this story as it develops, and I hope I can continue helping our country on the path to success.