Weekly Forecast March 30th- April 4th

I am pleased to say that I am expecting a positive week for the stock market.

The Wall Street Journal, a massive pile of shit, has reported that Fifth Third Bancorp will sell a 51% stake in it's payment unit.

Further, having resolved outstanding issues with my girlfriend, I do not anticipate a resurgence of last week's drunken mid-day moping.

Most importantly, however, I will be going to work three times this week, meaning that I am more likely to dress fancy, which has proved a powerful incentive for traders.

All in all I think that we can expect growth in most sectors.

Wildcards that may affect this include my potential decision to wear some black reeboks with purple laces, laced using the bar lacing technique recently discussed on our sister site.

Future trouble on the horizon comes on the sock front. When I returned home for spring break, my mom washed all of my socks. I have not yet had time to unload these socks from my car, and as local sock supplies dwindle, I may be forced to re-wear socks. This could lead to dangerous consequences to commodity values.

I'll continue to follow this story as it develops.